Power Dynamics and Sexuality

Heather Edwards

See this face? I remember thinking I knew what I was asking for but really, this is the face of searching. I didn't know the questions to ask. I didn't have any idea of what I needed. 

While this seems like it has the potential to be a racy type of post I assure you it's not... well... maybe a little. 

This is a post about presence.

The power to desire... or be desired

At the time of this photo, I was in crisis and trying to make sense of the world. I had an inkling of my direction. This was the image that this entire photoshoot was based on. 

I wanted this image. 

I was really fucking tired. I wanted to hand over the keys to my brain and let someone else be in charge... if only for 15 minutes. 

We (all of us) play with power every day in all of our relationships. We may consider it things like "respecting authority" or it might just take the form of roles we play with unspoken rules with our bosses, employees, clients, partners, friends, kids, parents, etc... But it's always there. 

And when we can see those dynamics for what they are and then make them intentional... well, then we can step into our own power regardless of which side of the dynamic we're on. 

Fighting power dynamics is exhausting, and systemically, if you're in any marginalized demographics, this is not something I need to say anymore about. 

But sometimes, with a partner we trust, if we can see the shift that needs to happen in order to allow us to get past obstacles and allow a place of peace and presence, the results can be magical. 

And again, I don't just mean intimately. 

To be able to say "I want to create this experience for you and I want you to feel love, nurtured, and pampered afterward" can be the most magical thing to someone who is just tired and had a long day and needs nothing more than to be loved, nurtured, and pampered. This is a beautiful fit. 

"I'll take this shift in power toward me so that I can give you a break and create something that will be so good for both of us" Can I get a "hell yeah" on that?? Seriously... 

"I want to give you my power for a while because I just need a break. Can you do this with me?"... ummmm... YEAH. 

To be in control when being in control is desired (and it is consensually given with boundaries) can allow all the good things like presence, and even flow-state or kairos. 

To give away control (after consensually negotiated and in a way that you know your boundaries will be respected) can be the most melty, beautiful form of surrender and allowance. Want to feel embodied? Want to leave your body? Want to feel cherished? Want to feel tended to? Cared for? Want your outsides to match how your insides feel? It's all there... but you have to let go (which can be really fucking hard). 

Because of what I've learned about power, I want to share it. It can be life-changing... but it's big. So I'm going to try to give out some bite-sized options to play with and then process for those of you who want to feel this shift and enjoy what comes from it. 

Here are a few: 
Bubbles & Bubbly: Distance Domination
Vino & Vulvas: Therapeutic Kink
Vino & Vulvas: Enthusiastic Consent
Power & Pelvic Pleasure (featuring Coach Felyne)
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