A little more "behind the scenes" of a sex positive family: We're eating mac & cheese for dinner and the kids are discussing their favorite ways of having mac & cheese prepared.
10(year-old): A little dry on top and kind of cold. Perfect!
13(year-old): Not mixed up very well so that you get pockets of concentrated cheese. The powdery kind is best for that. And I like to get all of the super cheesy ones and inflict the less cheesy ones on everyone else. I'm like a macaroni sadist!
Me: BDSM... but the M stands for macaroni?
13: Exactly!
10: What's BDSM stand for?
Narrator's Voice: One would think that this mother bit off more than she could chew with this one and would need to dodge the question because how could this question possibly be age appropriate for a 10-year-old??
Spoiler: I did not dodge.
Me: It actually stands for 6 words. And they're all words that help describe the rules for how grown-ups play with one another during sex. Because sex is grown-up playtime, really. But BDSM also describes types of play that grown-ups do that don't even have to involve their genitals.
10: So, what are the 6 words?
Me: Bondage and discipline are the first two. That's a kind of game where one person enjoys having some sort of movement restricted, or even a blindfold put on during. It's talked about and planned and done safely and the person being restricted always has a way to ask to get out that will be immediately respected.
10: Like having your wrists tied together?
Me: Yeah, that would be an example.
10: Next?
Me: Domination and submission.
10: Oh, I know what domination is!
Me: You mean like "totally domination where someone is free to do whatever they want to dominate another person"?
10: Yeah!
Me: That's not it. This refers to a relationship in which there is a shift of power that is enjoyed by BOTH people involved. Like, remember when you were little and you liked to be tickled? You would allow me to have the power to tickle you, remember? But remember how you also got to set the rules on where you wanted to be tickled and if it was a light tickle or a hard tickle and then you always had a word you'd say when you wanted me to stop?
10: Oh yeah! So you were dominating? And I was doing submission?
Me: Yep. We both enjoyed having that fun little temporary shift in power when you got to set the boundaries and then I stayed within them! We'd both end up laughing until our cheeks hurt!
10: What are the last two?
Me: Sadism and Masochism... or "Sadism and Macaroni" as it is now for your brother.
10: What do those mean?
Me: Sometimes people think of it as related to pain but it's better to think of it as related to sensation. A "sadist" is the one who enjoys creating a sensation. And a "masochist" is the one who enjoys receiving a sensation. So, explain to me who was doing what when we would tickle?
10: You were the sadist tickler and I was the masochist being tickled!
Me: yep. You got it. Those are all just different ways that people can set the rules for playing... but these words generally have more to do with sex-type play.
10: Cool. What's for dessert?
I kind of think that sex education is a superpower that we get to teach our kids.
Also, I would like to thank Midori for being such a kickass sex educator that I can name these concepts so easily that they can be explained over mac & cheese with my kids.
10(year-old): A little dry on top and kind of cold. Perfect!
13(year-old): Not mixed up very well so that you get pockets of concentrated cheese. The powdery kind is best for that. And I like to get all of the super cheesy ones and inflict the less cheesy ones on everyone else. I'm like a macaroni sadist!
Me: BDSM... but the M stands for macaroni?
13: Exactly!
10: What's BDSM stand for?
Narrator's Voice: One would think that this mother bit off more than she could chew with this one and would need to dodge the question because how could this question possibly be age appropriate for a 10-year-old??
Spoiler: I did not dodge.
Me: It actually stands for 6 words. And they're all words that help describe the rules for how grown-ups play with one another during sex. Because sex is grown-up playtime, really. But BDSM also describes types of play that grown-ups do that don't even have to involve their genitals.
10: So, what are the 6 words?
Me: Bondage and discipline are the first two. That's a kind of game where one person enjoys having some sort of movement restricted, or even a blindfold put on during. It's talked about and planned and done safely and the person being restricted always has a way to ask to get out that will be immediately respected.
10: Like having your wrists tied together?
Me: Yeah, that would be an example.
10: Next?
Me: Domination and submission.
10: Oh, I know what domination is!
Me: You mean like "totally domination where someone is free to do whatever they want to dominate another person"?
10: Yeah!
Me: That's not it. This refers to a relationship in which there is a shift of power that is enjoyed by BOTH people involved. Like, remember when you were little and you liked to be tickled? You would allow me to have the power to tickle you, remember? But remember how you also got to set the rules on where you wanted to be tickled and if it was a light tickle or a hard tickle and then you always had a word you'd say when you wanted me to stop?
10: Oh yeah! So you were dominating? And I was doing submission?
Me: Yep. We both enjoyed having that fun little temporary shift in power when you got to set the boundaries and then I stayed within them! We'd both end up laughing until our cheeks hurt!
10: What are the last two?
Me: Sadism and Masochism... or "Sadism and Macaroni" as it is now for your brother.
10: What do those mean?
Me: Sometimes people think of it as related to pain but it's better to think of it as related to sensation. A "sadist" is the one who enjoys creating a sensation. And a "masochist" is the one who enjoys receiving a sensation. So, explain to me who was doing what when we would tickle?
10: You were the sadist tickler and I was the masochist being tickled!
Me: yep. You got it. Those are all just different ways that people can set the rules for playing... but these words generally have more to do with sex-type play.
10: Cool. What's for dessert?
I kind of think that sex education is a superpower that we get to teach our kids.
Also, I would like to thank Midori for being such a kickass sex educator that I can name these concepts so easily that they can be explained over mac & cheese with my kids.
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